Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
