I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
