I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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