3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
