In America we eat man semen.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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