I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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