So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
ttyl tear gas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
