Christians are straight up FREAKS
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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