Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
