were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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