I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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