He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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