Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
