Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
