We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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