Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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