1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Congratulations! We have a period
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