I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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