Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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