Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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