I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
