If i come over, it means nothing
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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