tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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