Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
