happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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