im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
