So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
