She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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