i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
