I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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