Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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