Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
