i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
