Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
