Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
