i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
