my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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