i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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