I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
