pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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