Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
