You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
