well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
