Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
