32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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