I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
