apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
