I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
