The maid of honor just puked.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
