it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A+ Viking dick
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
