I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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