Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
