he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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