How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
