Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
