Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was born a porn star she said
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
