Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize