He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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