Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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