you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
