im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
