One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize