We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
