I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
