if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize