You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry about my life...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize